…shuffling from the back of the class, where I have clearly forgotten the assignment…
I have seen too many parents who are forced to plan funerals for their children.
The thought is almost paralyzing to me; it terrifies me and makes me achingly sad. The mere thought of something even happening to any of the kids – It’s too much. It’s so sad, so scary.
I don’t know how they do it. How do you pick out an outfit? How do you clean their room? I would close the door and never open it. I can’t imagine having to dig down and find that strength.
I’m reminded of Cassie’s mom, Jackie. I grew up with this family, they are the closest thing to aunt and cousins that I have. We are closer than I am with some members of my own family.
When Cassie was in her accident, it was right in front of her parents’ house. Aunt Jackie didn’t realize who it was, and when she heard the accident she said a prayer and continued with her breakfast… And then came the knock on the door.
Later that day, she comforted the rest of us – She was so stoic and strong and reassured us that we would find the strength to go on as well. She held fast to her faith, God has a plan she said. It was her faith that brought her through.
I don’t have faith like that. I’m not sure what I have, but I do know I hope I am never forced to come to grips with it. I don’t want to find out if I can be THAT strong.
I’m not any good at this dating stuff… Really, I’m not. I’m SO damn impatient and stubborn, it’s a miracle that even my friends like me, let alone some cute boy who smells nice.
I joke around with my friends often about changing my preferences. Maybe like a 2-week boyfriend – Someone who shows up once every two weeks, pays attention to me, gives me some lovin’, and then goes away for 2 more weeks. I’m only half joking, but really I can’t even get someone to be nice to me for one night so how the hell am I supposed to find someone to come back around? LOL
So how are you? How are the kids? How’s work? Your family? Is your car holding up?
Not much has been going on. I have tons I want to write about but I forget I have this thing half the time and then it’s like “shit”. Sorry to those of you who have dropped by to see what’s going on (Is anyone out there anymore?)
I’ve developed a habit of watching jail shows and reading about the mob. I always liked the prison shows like Lockup and stuff but they have come up with some more shows that profile the booking sections of local jails, like Las Vegas and stuff. Some pretty interesting people come through there. Jail and crime fascinate me; I wonder what types of personalities are out there and what might be going through their heads when they are misbehaving.
And then that got me thinking – Holy shit I’m seriously so non-committal that I don’t even have a TV schedule… you know what I mean, yes? You know how most people have a certain show they follow and they have to cancel all plans on the night(s) those shows are on… Yeah I don’t have any of that. If something is on that looks good, I watch it. I’m not a Glee-tard. I don’t watch American Idol. Or Grey’s. Nothing like that. If it’s interesting, I stop and watch for a while. If it’s not, I keep flipping channels. But yet, I have DVR. I think the extent of my DVR use is to back up the funny ass music montages on America’s Funniest Videos. 😛
Besides, it’s enough of a pain in the ass to work my schedule around 5 kids; sheesh, I can’t be bothered to know what was on last night.
Until next time…