I’ve been asked more times than I can even count why Donald and I broke up. Apparently because we get along and he’s a good father, it means we should be together and it doesn’t make sense that we aren’t.
It’s not that I didn’t love him. It’s not that I didn’t think the world of him as a father. It’s not that we didn’t have a good time together.
All of these things are left in the dust when two people just can’t see eye to eye. When two people spend more time fighting than making up. When two people are as stubborn as Donald and I are.
You see, when two trains are barrelling toward each other on the same rail, they don’t meet, merge off together onto a conveniently located perpendicular track, having fabulous train sex on the rail, with hearts and flowers and baby raccoons to accompany them. The trains explode into each other, in a fiery mess, full of destruction. A hazmat team may or may not be necessary.
Donald and I are both far too stubborn and far too unwilling to bend. We are the trains. We are hard, fast, unrelenting. A bad combination for two like minded individuals.
In a perfect world, we would be two trains, travelling on parallel tracks. Their paths would bend and curve together. When one train enters a tunnel, the other’s track would enter as well, and their light would come on to help.
Still today, 7 years to the date that he left me, he still knows how to get me from zero to furious in about half a second. And I know how to get him there as well.
It’s too bad really. But we can’t force ourselves to make a situation or relationship work. No amount of pleading, irrational text messages at 4:00 in the morning, or threats of physical violence will make things different. From my experience, the only thing that can make a bad relationship worse is the breakup. They don’t call it a train wreck for nothing.
But then it gets better. It slowly fixes itself, and becoming the person you know you are is refreshing.
Long story short, we are conductors of our own trains. We can build our own tracks. Your train might be the strongest, hardest to obtain passage on, and the fastest. But if you learn to maintain it properly, you can find your own Thomas the Train.