Published 19 March, 2009 by itsaheartache

I’m giddy. I can’t stress this enough.

It seems like such a far cry from a couple of weeks ago when I was losing my mind. Thanks to a couple of very reassuring emails and pats on the back, I am much better.

The boy I met? He is my boyfriend now. *Squeak* I have not had a legitimate boyfriend since Donald and I broke up almost 7 years ago. I mean, I’ve dated people, and of course it has gone no where. But this is the first time in years anyone has given a shit enough to say “Hey, I like you, and I think I’d like to see where this goes”. Wow. That sounds mean. People LIKE me, of course. People want to hang out with me, of course. But no one has been boyfriend material. No one makes me feel like he does right now. I want to jump around and turn cartwheels.

So, like, this whole writing thing… I often wonder if I’m any good. I sit here and type, with no real focus in mind half the time. This blog is serving as a tool to vent and relieve many frustrations. If you look around you can find some posts where I made a valiant effort to SAY something rather than type something. Hopefully those have come across the way I intended them to. I just wonder if people read this and are like “who is she kidding” I stumble upon blogs all the time and am awed at the effort put into them. Sometimes the effort speaks to me in a positive matter; sometimes not. I guess I’m not too worried about it. It’s the internet after all, you can tell someone they suck, anonymously and with a screen name like “big boobs 1984” or something equally tacky.

But when it’s time to be serious about finishing and editing my book, I’m going to have a very hard time releasing it to public. On the internet it’s safe. It’s anonymous (Kind of). In the public it’s real. What if someone gets upset about something I have written and sends a death threat? What if someone in my life sues me because I put them in an unappealing light in my book? Do these things really happen? There are so many questions I would love to have answered, but not really anyone to answer them.

I guess I could hunt around online for a book writers’ support group of some sort, or some sort of message forum. I just thought about something funny – What if they all sit there in a panic, not clicking the “submit” button, because they are worried that their grammar isn’t perfect? Or more over, what if there are grammar Nazi’s on the forum that rather than get the desired point of a post, criticize it for spelling and punctuation. Oye. People HAVE to have something to pick on, yes?

I RSVP’d to an event held by a girl I went to high school with; I literally have not seen her in 16 years. She still looks pretty much the same; I’m looking forward to seeing her. I wonder if anyone else from high school will attend as well. These are the same people who used to make me nervous years ago so there isn’t really a reason to be nervous any more. I’m fabulous, right? *Sigh* so life goes on.

I’m still heading toward my financial goal, and still plugging away at work. I’m still going to the gym, and my pants are slightly baggier. I’m not noticing any significant changes but that is good because it’s supposed to be a gradual thing anyway. I just want to get healthier and if I can look better while doing it, sign me up. Aside from that, everything is pretty much the same. I miss my house and my cats. But I also know that I will have them back soon. Very soon; like less than 4 months soon!!

I’m so excited. I think this is really going to be a great year. Cheers.


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