This is lame. Another funk, started off by the stupid notice I got in the mail recently.
No I’m NOT fucking happy, but thanks for caring.
It’s amazing to me how empty people’s daily conversations and exchanges are. When someone says “Good Morning”, the instinctual response is “Good morning!; Hi; Hey;”… you get my drift. “How are you?” is in a world of its own. Does anyone actually pay attention when asked this question or when askING this question? What if you asked “How are you?” and the intended recipient said “Go to hell, like you care how I am” or “My mom just died, thanks for asking”… But no. We say “Fine” or we say “You too” or we say “it’s supposed to be so nice today”. We don’t even pay attention. Could this be why some of us are so pissed?
I’ll give myself a big negative… I have bigger problems to worry about right now than whether or not the janitor is sincere in his morning greetings. In fact I’m letting myself get off on a pretty sizable tangent I’d say. But screw it, this is my blog, and if you don’t like it, click the red X in the top right corner. See it? Thanks.
Now for those of you who are still playing along; what the fuck?
What’s it going to take for me to finally be happy? A magical Coke bottle to fall from the sky so I can fashion some crude tools from it? A magical giant man to show up on my birthday to let me know that I am really a wizard and all the anger and sadness I feel is totally normal? An engagement shoe?
No. None of these.
I mean, sure there are lots of things that MAKE me happy on a daily basis, but I don’t know if I truly am a happy person. Does that make sense? I laugh every day. I laugh a lot. I smile. I give compliments. I help co-workers. I joke around with the kids. I laugh myself into wheezing fits at the Youtube video of the anchormen who can’t stop laughing at the clip of the model falling down. I laugh at it every damn time. But at the end of the day, here I am. I’ve got a million and five thoughts running through my head. I’ve got a hundred criticisms for myself. I’ve got dozens of items in my mental to-do list. The list keeps getting longer; and I run out of time before I can finish them.
And I’m frustrated over my inability to compose a good post lately. I have 9 (9!!!) drafts that I have abandoned. They’ve taken my mojo. For now.
Until then… enjoy the news anchors and tell me this doesn’t make your damn night.